Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
We left the knife in your bed.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
