I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
