I hate your face
I need help removing her.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
