There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
