Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
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