Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
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I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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