Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
