I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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