whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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