Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
