We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
we're making bets on your personal life
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
