pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
