I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
