I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
