What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize