i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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