I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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