good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
