he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
