Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
