BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
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Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
What a dumb baby whore.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
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As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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