and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
