i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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