I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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