Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
