i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
