I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
it's like iHOP with fire
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
