an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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