Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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