New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
