just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
