No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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