Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
