She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I just forgot I was standing up.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
