If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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