lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
whose ass print is on the piano?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
