just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
