I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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