I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
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I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
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She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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