did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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