i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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