and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
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I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
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Drank your wedding present. Sorry
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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