you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You were trust falling into bushes
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
