she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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