this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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