my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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