How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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