Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
