You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
