Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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