he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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