Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
