I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
