so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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