so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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