just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
