I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
