Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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