i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
