If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
