how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
